Hares: Rhode Island Red, Major Hornblower, Belated Lee, & Octopussy
Venue: A to A Dongshan Hotel at Taihu Lake, Suzhou
Scribe: Cums Inside

Suzhou was the venue for this year’s changeover weekend and the HEAT was definitely on as two busloads of happy-head-hashers set out on Saturday morning for a weekend of fun and frolics. The majority of us were on Nanjing Xi Lu close to the pick up time of 9.30am, but because there was so many caffeine addicts and incontinence sufferers, we didn’t set off till 10.20.
The venue for the weekend was on Taihu Lake at the Dongshan Hotel - and it was a great setting - what a pity the outgoing committee couldn’t have sorted out the weather for us too. It was hazy and crazy hot all weekend. We set out in the blistering heat at 3pm after some rest and relaxation at the hotel. Many indulged in some lunch beforehand - which is not to be recommended. The lunch food was diabolical. But Mensa was the only person to complain; she roared at one waitress for bringing out a plate of dry/burnt noodles (that you wouldn’t feed to your dog!) Note to self - don’t mess with Mensa!
The trail was in the general area of the hotel - the walkers (including the Scribe) really
didn’t get to venture too far afield - most of the trail was on the hotel grounds. Even the toboggan run which was part of it, fell within its vast borders. Indeed plenty of walking hashers took a spin on the toboggan...and some runners too. Mary Poppins acquired some carpet burns from his spin...and considering Expat Package has left him (well, for the Summer) he needs to pretend he is getting his thrills and spills from somewhere. There was a lot of up and down the hills on the run which resulted in a lot of complaints about the ‘effing heat’.
Even the FRB’s couldn’t seem to hack it - with plenty of runners walking! For shame!!When the pack of sweaty betty hashers congregated at the hotel entrance after, some people couldn’t resist rubbing themselves (and their lovers) in ice. In fact Braindead couldn’t keep his hands of hot stuff Mensa and playfully filled her shorts with ice. It is supposed to be twice as nice if kept on ice... but when Butt Cracker begged for ice for his shorts (like a puppy looking for treats), many looked on in pity.
We circled up beside the lake, after a bell boy transported all our beer and refreshments via a baggage trolley from the hotel - ahh the 5 Star treatment - (the one time we experienced it all weekend)! A few tourist boats scrambled for our business at the lake’s edge and the Scribe was informed afterward that the environmentally conscious Elena and her possie of Dutch playboys jumped aboard one vessel after they donated all our empty bottles and cans to the grateful captain. She took them for a cruise around the lake and a few of them fell/were pushed into

the slimy water....good luck with that guys...don’t come to us with your medical complaints later! Many were surprised to hear that the famous shortcutter, Pavarotten mistakenly took the longest oh shit on the trail up to the top of the bloody hill in the searing heat...tough luck old man, but I guess what goes around comes around eh? Another shortcutter, Bubu was spied speeding back towards the starting point whilst the walkers headed the opposite way...he looked happy with himself so we asked no questions.
We welcomed many newcummers on Saturday; N-N Ally from California, N-N Julie from Virginia, Kevin from Guangzhou who is known as NoNo/YesYes in hashing circles. There was no explanation for this name however...N-N Milly from Wuxi, N-N Ton and N-N John, from Holland, both of whom were made cum by the Dutch (& German) playboys (Walter, Dan, Koen, Ramko, Cocks Behind Them & Lance My Prick). Other newcummers were N-N Hilla and N-N Tolsten from Germany, Sue from Australia who goes by the name Treadmill (because she never stops), N-N Julia from Suzhou, N-N
Ramko and N-N Koen (Dutch playboys), N-N Holly from Shanghai and N-N Stella from Nanjing. They all promised to come back for more hashing - but time will tell. The Dutch playboys who also became known as the Dutch Village People (Ramko, Ton, John, Dan, Koen and Walter) were called up for skinny dipping in the hotel pool. The heat really must have got to them eh? Good samaritan African Queen was quick to volunteer to run to the pool and ‘pull’ them out, after the hotel staff insisted the exhibitionism must stop. No one has seen her sprint so fast on the hash before. Mensa and Braindead were up for their ‘sex on ice on the hash’ and thus Butt Cracker also had
to join them for a Down Down. N-N Dan was called up for comparing the size of his ‘thing’ to that of the new RA during the trip on the bus - it turned out that it was his Nano iPod he was so proud of - I guess size doesn’t really matter in some cases. We were worried that $100 Skid Mark might have to be deported for a minute when the hotel staff discovered she had no visa in her passport - but it turned out that it was simply beingreissued so that panic was over.
There was a few really late latecummers - Elena turned up in a cab during the middle of the circle all fresh faced and cool, and N-N Crystal from Florida likewise. They had to drink for being so clean and breezy whilst the rest of us stank and dripped in the sun.
Quite a few traitorous hashers turned up without hash gear - Quasimodo, Mussels from Brussels, $100 S-M, Mensa and NoNo/YesYes had to drink for the sin. There was a lot of women with the best tits in the world, and even a young Dutch boy too. Dildo Shaggins, Shitting Bricks, N-N Julie, N-N Ally and N-N Ton stood out with pride and drank to their buxom breasts! Some experienced hashers, namely Braveballs, Flash & Black Balls managed to miss a very obvious Oh Shit on the trail, so were called up for it. All the yanks were up for not knowing a thing (or caring about) the World Cup. And finally the new miss management committee were called up as the conch is handed over for the next year of the Shanghai Hash House Harriers. It will be an honour for everyone involved.
The on food in the hotel was definitely better than lunch earlier, but not to everyone’s liking. N-N Saname was named Killer Wet Spot due to her funky real name being so like the tidal wave. There was many a song after dinner which led to more partying in Suzhou later. The buses were laid on for a late night trip into the city for all the hard core hashers who couldn’t get enough beer. Many stayed behind to enjoy the hotels facilities..bowling etc. Lots of fun was had by all, and there are many photographs to prove it. Perhaps we can get some up on the website soon.
A sincere Thanks to the outgoing committee for their great efforts and organisation of many many great hash runs and fun parties. The committee for 2006/2007 have big shoes to fill.

Any complaints about this Hash Trash should be filed away under grudge.
On On, Cums Inside
June 20th 2006

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