The Drinking Club with a Running Problem
Hash Trash for Shanghai H3 Run Changeover #900
Sunday June 18th 2006
Hares: Octopussy and Butt Cracker
Venue: A to A Taihu Lake, Suzhou. ‘Beautiful Restaurant in the
Clouds’
Scribe: Cums Inside
The hangovers and the heat made the 900th run a killer but great fun
too (or something).When we got off the bus at the lake restaurant we
were hit with a wall of heat. Ouch. But no one was discouraged. We set
out for a somewhat grueling hour of a run at around midday. Mad dogs
and Englishmen ya think? According to African Queen however, there’s
nothing like a good shit after a night like Saturday - it makes you
feel like you can tackle anything. She was leading the group on Sunday.
The trail started around some veggie/paddy fields...and went in circles
for a while, which resulted in huge amounts of shortcutting. It wasn’t
long before the trail moved inland and up the mammoth mountain - which
seemed like Everest to most. After a few feet of enthusiastic uphill
running, the majority of runners slowed to a shuffle as many lost a
quarter of their body weight in sweat. It took forever to get to the
top and by the time most did - it dawned on us that it was possibly
the worst/longest/most tortuous oh shit in the history of the Shanghai
hash. The swearing could be heard in the neighbouring provinces.
So we walked and ran On On down and home to the restaurant and basked
in the shade to cool off before we circled up in the rooftop terrace
of the ‘Beautiful Clouds in the Sky Restaurant’. Incoming
RA Butt Cracker oversaw his first official circle which started with
bringing N-N Arnold up for being the first to the top of the mountain
and then for not stopping! Members of the outgoing committee were up
for being bigots or hypocrites ...Artsy Fartsy was up for wearing the
worst socks ever and was joined by Hand Job, N-N Ton and African Queen
who had tan lines like socks. Artsy Fartsy then accused a few seasoned
hashers for being skinflints and leaving him with a RMB2000 bill at
the bar after encouraging him to be their drinking buddy - Grass Cutter
and Jet Set were the culprits - there was no going Dutch there! Treadmill
made a speech encouraging us all to vote for the 2008 venue in China
and she couldn’t drink alone for making that speech, so all the
other Ozzie’s joined her. Before the circle, a few hashers did
their bit for safety in China, by clearing all the iron bars and other
crap that were scattered around the terrace - thanks and a Down Down
were bequeathed to Braindead, Brave Balls, Hand Job and Grasscutter
for their efforts. We had an ayi in our midst too, N-N Walter was xi
yi fu - washing his clothes at the circle...well hanging them out to
dry anyway. A number of Swamp swimmers were called up for a down down
;N-N Ally, N-N Julie and a few Dutch playboys were amongst them. Pavarotten
took a dip too and got in a fight with a Swamp Croc - only his teeshirt
came off worst though.
Suddenly the circle turned into a football crazy scene - with many nation
- related accusations rhymed off one after the other - as World Cup
potential winners we had a Brazilian Down Down, for anyone who had laid
a Brazilian or had the waxed version - Hand Job, $100 Skid Mark and
the author were up, for Argentina we had Weedy Balls and Pavarotten,
for Germany there was Lance My Prick, Cocks Behind Them, N-N Hilla and
N-N Tolsten. The English were up for the fact that they will probably
loose on penalties - this included Hornblower, Eeyore, Weedy Balls,
Flash and Black Balls, BelatedLee and Sundance. There was some fashion
on the hash too, with N-N Ally wearing a ‘ballgown’ in the
circle and then Eeyore and Ping wearing nothing but underpants as shorts....oooh
kinky. Sometimes the sights you see in China are simply unbelievable
but on the hash that day it was the laowai’s that were the perpetrators
- a group of hashers actually lifted a car... well they’re weightlifters
anyway - the iron men were Eeyore, Octopussy, Bubu, Lance My Prick and
Sundance - keep on pumpin. The new RA produced some x-rated photos from
the night before - there was a boob, an ass and a full meat and 2 veg
in one pic - the strippers were $100 Skid Mark and Brave Balls. mmm
perhaps they striped at the same time??
The on food was what could be described as ‘questionable’.
Only once or twice has the food been as bad...with hardly any carbs
- just lots of unidentifiable meat. It was cold too. But it was eaten
anyway. And more songs ensued. After a while the songs verged on the
surreal, but the best performance by far was by the RAF crew, with great
sound affects - when the fourth engine went on fire (Butt Cracker) -
the entire crew had to drown him in beer to extinguish the flames. Priceless.
N-N Dan was named Nano Nuts since he couldn’t stop talking about
the size of his...iPod and N-N Elena was named Hotel Shaggafornia for
her sexual exploits being common knowledge in the hotel the night before.
She and her man were so late to dinner after their ‘showers’
there was barely a bowl of rice left for them to eat.
Special Thanks went out to Mouthpiece, Hotlips and Hotpot for the continuous
and huge help they provide at events for Shanghai H3. Without these
lovely ladies, we would definitely be up shit creek! Again, big thanks
to the out-going committee for all their hard work and a fantastic weekend.
Any complaints about this Hash Trash should be sent to someone who
cares,
On On, Cums Inside
June 20th 2006
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