The Drinking Club with a Running Problem
Hash Trash for Shanghai H3 Run #901
Sunday 25th June
Hares: Pavarotten, Toad Sucker & Brain Dead
Venue: A to A. Hotpot Restaurant Wuzhong Lu
Scribe: Cums Inside
What a load of shit this run was - spectacular shit smells, countless
'oh shits' and actual piles of shit marked the trail. The hares must
have some very perverse fetish to have set this one. We started (late)
from the restaurant during oppressively humid weather to run an odd
route that meandered through streets and construction sites, newly laid
cement roads and (very) ramshackle housing in the west of the city close
to Wuzhong Lu. As the hares stood at pivotal points along the trail,
smiling and pointing the trail, it all became clear after the 7th time
this happened - that they were directing us down endless 'Oh shits'.
Pavorotten and Toad Sucker beamed and happily showed us the way many
times, and when we returned (after a 10 minute hike down some dead end)
- needless to say they were nowhere to be seen.
The cruelest one of all was towards the end when Pavarotten sent the
majority of the pack down a side street on Wuzhong Lu - assuring us
it was a worthwhile but possibly smelly shortcut. Some just couldn't
hack the odours and had to turn back and there was so much confusion
(due to the lack of marks in this residential shithole), that most hashers
were wandering around holding their noses with dazed and confused expressions!
There were piles of shit everywhere - its amazing that there isn't all
kinds of diseases curbing the growing Chinese population. Talk about
a harsh reality! Bubu mentioned he caught sight of a 'big pile of human
turd' right there on the laneway...enough already!
When we managed to break free of the stink - by simply running out the
way we went in, we ran back onto Wuzhong Lu and on home to the restaurant
a couple of blocks away. The constant rain helped most keep their cool
but by the time all had finished there were many overheating hashers
strewn about. A good run though, despite the odorous hazards.
We circled up beside a massage parlour close to the restaurant, where
there was talk of Down Downs cumming from the local masseuse ladies...but
mostly the down downs were in beer format on the day. The hares were
up first as usual and for fucking up the weather. An orange clog wearing
oddity - namely Artsy Fartsy was quickly called up for crazy footwear,
out of which he (and the RA) had to drink. No rule or regulation could
ever make me drink out of someone else's shoes...but each to their own.
The newcummers were welcomed early on and included N-N Nancy from Beijing,
N-N Bert from Belgium who told us the beer made him cum - clever boy,
N-N Grace from Sichuan Chen Lu?? (Hotlips' niece) and N-N Frank from
Chengdu (Hotlips' son). Although the last 2 mentioned were merely teenagers
- they glugged back their beers with gusto! There is definitely a future
for the hash it seems.
Alongside the abundance of shit, there seems to have been a lot of piss
about also. We had a bunch of pissers or pissheads (perhaps) up for
a Down Down, namely N-N Bert, Lance my prick, Hornblower, N-N Walter
and Pissucker.
And then we had more World Cup talk and action - there is no getting
away from it - The ozzies (sheep shaggers) were up for getting through
to the next round - Pavarotten (up with the hares) African Queen, Bubu,
Braindead, Toadsucker, Octopussy and Grasscutter. This kind of pattern
went on for a while with the Swedes, Germans, etc etc. But then we moved
onto fashion - apparently there is a secret society on the hash - to
be a member you must commit a fashion faux pas and dress in navy and
black. And we had many. There was more talk of colour, with the red
faced folk - Toadsucker, Octopussy and Rhode Island Red together for
a Down Down. Gentle Licking was up for being the primary shortcutter
of the day - and being an FRB, means he has responsibility to lead the
pack...but this guy insisted on shortcutting more than once. But since
the hares themselves were directing us down shortcuts (despite the fact
that none of them HELPED!) he was forgiven and joined by the hares for
a Down Down. N-N Walter is a pioneer - he has invented a new kind of
hash...its called the Standing Hash - to do this, you must go on the
Taiping Hash, and whilst everyone else is running all over the countryside,
you must stand on the bus and drink beer...which is exactly what N-N
Walter did recently. What a great idea!!
Major Hornblower was taking his new position as beermaster very seriously
and accused somebody of interfering with his equipment...one would have
thought he'd like that, but not so. Butt Cracker's 10 yr old sandals
had been dumped in the beer box and the beermaster was not impressed.
The culprit was Pavarotten (no surprise) and thus he and all the hares
were up again.
The on-food was a decent hot-pot meal, a good change from the usual
hash fare. And it meant everyone got drunk quicker than usual, trying
to keep cool whilst cooking their food! We had a few namings afterwards;
Cocks Behind Us was RENAMED Shit for Brains - since he is a landscape
gardener and works for Braindead and the pioneer hasher N-N Walter shall
now be known as Dykefucker, since he a Dutchman and a prominent member
of the Dutch Gay and Lesbian faction that is fast taking hold and gaining
in numbers within the Shanghai H3.
Any complaints about this Hash Trash should be sent to someone who cares.
On On, Cums Inside
July 1st 2006
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